Humility

      I am finding it difficult to get over the stage fright.  Where words flow so freely in my own mind and in my own journal, here I'm afraid I might censor myself and my fear of censoring myself is what censors me.  Difficulty presenting to a group of people the way I would present to my own self is a clear reflection of having created an apparition different to the world than the one I know inside.  The world's perception of me is not a perception of the one I know inside.
      The freedom I am beginning to feel however comes from finally understanding that I am not here to show people who I am.  I am here to be who I am.  I am God in a human form and I find the greatest challenge of being human comes from not wanting to be human but to be only God.  The more I realize how much I do want to be human, the more I understand that I am here to experience things as humans do.
      To realize God is the ability to hold both sides of the paradigm within one heart and I am finding great joy and great illumination in beginning to truly grasp that God does wish to experience all potential in form:  God truly needs man as man needs God.
      In the world, my message is who I am and I am my message.  My present experience is with the learning that I don't need to seek recognition as an indication that I am communicating and being communicated.  My present recognition is that all experience is a mutual exchange and in spite of appearances, no one is simply the one communicating or the one being communicated with but rather the communication happens through us and we are each all aspects of communication, which occurs constantly without exception.  In saying this I am saying that I am not truly here to deliver a message but to be in an ever-present, ever-moving, ever-expanding communication, or exchange of information within which I am the giver, receiver, the exchange and the information itself.
      I can be who I am by fully embodying the form I choose now, in other words, through fully embodying the expression of God which God is choosing through me in this moment by way of the embodiment of form.